


Laughing at our Pasts

by TheAlwaysUsedTeaBag



Series: Super in Love [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Child Abuse, Dangerous Dogs, Dogs, Fluff and Angst, German swearing, I shan't translate the swears, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Nightmare Fuel, Nightmares, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Villain, Swearing, Violence, Violent Dogs, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAlwaysUsedTeaBag/pseuds/TheAlwaysUsedTeaBag
Summary: Alexander is hit by an attack that forces him to relive his most traumatic memory in a nightmare. Afterwards, he reveals that this was the backstory for why he decided to become a hero.





	Laughing at our Pasts

**Author's Note:**

> A new installment for Super In Love! Yay! I did this instead of writing Forgotten; Worshipped....... Whoopsies!

John walked into the living area of Aaron's main base, looking over a few documents which he balanced in his arms, though they threatened to fall down any moment, and just one wrong move or a gust of misplaced wind would send the papers flying to the ground in a mess.

"Okay, so we got the damage records right here, and I think if we invest 10 per cent of our current 'income' into repairs this month instead of the usual charity, we might get higher local ratings and improve in local sales for it and just invest 15 per cent into charities, several ones this time, next month, so as to not lose favour with the overall masses and keep it balanced. Aaron, what do you think?" John rambled, and when he looked up, he found that Aaron's attention was on Alexander's sleeping form on his lap. Aaron had shifted forms into a giant bear, though lacking in claws or sharp teeth, and he kept petting Alexander's head. John cleared his throat and Aaron looked up from what he was doing, though he kept doing it.

"I think we can invest more. That or we invest both in repairs and charity at the same time; limits the risk of losing mass favour for a month. Oh, and make sure that schools, hospitals and retirement homes take precedence over any other structure in rebuilding, if we get any say in this at all," Aaron remarked and John nodded, writing something down.

"I'll see what I can do. Send Alexander to me in an hour or so, he's supposed to help me redesign the logo of our cover company. Also, we're out of food, one of you has to go shopping today." A few pages flew out of his grip and sailed to the floor. John suppressed a groan as he picked them up.

"Why can't you?" Aaron raised a brow in amusement.

"'Why can't you?'" John mimicked badly, "I'll tell you why not: I run the rest of this business and someone has to stay here and man the computers, make sure the websites are running, see to it that you two are informed about the villains you fight, manage the finances, organise the files, update the firewall, check for newcomer villains, keep an eye on the black market and the scarlet market, and I don't see _you_ making sure the government does not track us to 'recruit' us!" John listed, letting all the papers that had been in his arms fly to the ground and counted everything he did on his fingers to emphasise his point.

"Okay, okay!" Aaron grinned, though it looked funny with the face of a bear, somehow mischievous. "I'll go shopping later. Anything you want specifically?"

"Just get me cup noodles-"

"Something actually edible that isn't a college student's only source of nutrition?" Aaron interjected.

"Fine. Bring me whatever people use for hamburgers. Bread, meat, pickles, tomatoes, roasted onions-"

"I'm pretty sure only you put roasted onions on your burgers," Aaron chuckled.

"Shut up, it's good," John glared and picked up the papers he let fall to the ground and left the room after making sure he didn't miss any paper.

An hour passed and Aaron woke up Alexander, who was not at all happy to be awoken by a paw to the face, however soft and fuzzy it had been. But just as Alexander was about to grumpily get up from Aaron's lap, the alarm rang and he and Aaron jumped from the couch and ran to the planning room which Aaron had installed at the beginning of their shared new superhero career. John already sat in the chair in front of the computers and had already pulled up files and live security camera footage. On the screen was a woman with spiked red hair pointing in every direction, a dark blue costume with a crescent moon logo on her chest, and another person with a similar costume, though they had no logo on their chest and their hair was much longer, looking like it was flowing like water, and, by closer inspection, their costume was a shade or two lighter than the other one. Aaron recognized their faces but couldn't immediately place them, but John already had their files opened on another screen.

"Alright, what have we got?" Alexander asked seriously.

"A duo: Nachti... German names, no idea, BUT their powers are singing people to sleep and evoking their biggest nightmares, respectively," John said.

"Nachtigall and Nachtmahr," Aaron added, "That's why I couldn't place them: they act primarily in Germany."

"Thing is, they're trying to take over the IOAK, and if they get the codes to the saves inside-"

"We'll be in serious trouble." Aaron frowned intensely, having turned back into his most often used form.

"IOAK?" Alexander looked at Aaron questioningly.

"International Organisation of Artefact Keeping. The organisation is usually kept on the down low so not many people target it; they don't know it exists. But it keeps very dangerous artefacts within its walls and if someone were to break into it and gain access to the vaults- that's basically a game over for the world as we know it," John explained, "I only know about it because I worked there once. The public isn't even made aware of what's happening, precisely. To the public, it's only a random building that's attacked."

"Well, shit, do we have to work discreetly, too, in that case?" Alexander asked and Aaron hummed.

"We might. If it becomes public knowledge that the IOAK keeps so many artefacts in that building, it will be under constant attack. It is honestly baffling how they managed to remain secret for as long as it exists. It was founded in 1609," Aaron supplied and Alexander nodded.

"Well then," he said, turning away from the computer, "Let's bring down the thunder on them. Quietly."

Aaron grinned and followed behind Alexander as he left the room, picking up the ear-coms on his way out and throwing one at Aaron, who caught it swiftly and placed it into his ear. A press on the top button in Alexander's shirt made it turn into his costume and Aaron followed quickly in transformation, adapting Alexander's features but swapping the colour palette of the costume.

Aaron took the lead, he knew exactly where the IOAK building was. He knew Nachtigall and Nachtmahr, had met them often in Germany as both a civilian and a villain. They weren't the worst people, considering they're villains. Nachtigall, for example, worked in a charity on the side for children with severe injuries or incurable diseases, singing them to sleep when they're plagued by so much pain that they can't. Nachtmahr, on the other hand, could not use their powers for good, at least not the type of good generally accepted by the media. So they simply went for assaulters, rapists, and so on. They and Nachtigall had the status of villains because of their connections to the underground. Aaron would call them a moral grey, usually, but in this very moment, it was rather difficult to do so, seeing as they were breaking into the IOAK. It could mean something horrible. At least if they knew what the IOAK was, and just what it held within its walls. It could go very ugly very fast.

Aaron had no idea in how much shit they would be. He really couldn't have seen it coming, ever. And he would kick himself daily for letting it happen in the first place. He would gladly go back in time and risk killing himself in the process if it meant Alexander had been spared this, dammit. But that wasn't possible. The only person he had ever known who was capable of manipulating time had become stuck it in and likely died. 

He didn't mean for this to happen. But he should have known, he should have seen this coming from a mile away. He knew Nachtmahr's powers, he knew what she was capable of, yet he had ignored this fact stupidly and had taken on Nachtigall on impulse, thinking that without her, Nachtmahr was little threat to Alexander. He could not have been more wrong in his entire life. This would be the very last time he would allow himself to be so careless. Back in the day, when he had still been Mr. Nobody, this wouldn't have happened. He would have been twelve steps ahead at the barest minimum of steps. Had he done what he would have always done back in the day, seriously analyzing every detail of every aspect of the situation and assessing them properly, he would not have let this happen. He would have fought Nachtmahr himself, and it would have been him writhing in pain at the images in his mind of the past, and not Alexander.

Alexander had been hit by a particularly nasty spell from Nachtmahr, and Aaron could only capture her moments after. Alexander was still on the floor, as if frozen, but his eyes were black, a sign that he was caught in a nightmare. A waking nightmare. Aaron caught Nachtmahr just like he had caught Nachtigall, morphing into an earless beast with diamond ropes for arms. An eldritch horror type of creature that Alexander particularly enjoyed to be hugged by. He had only noticed a moment after detaining them that Alexander was lying on the floor, eyes wide open and terrified, twitching, held still by the confines of the spell. Aaron knew, in an instant, what was happening, and he knew that if there weren't confines in the spell, Alexander would be screaming and thrashing around and not just twitch. Nachtmahr was yelling colourful profanities at him.

"DU NUTTENGRABSCHENDES ARSCHGEWEIH! FOTZENLECKENDES HURENSÖHNCHEN! WENN ICH DICH KRIEGE WERDE ICH DIR DIE EINGEWEIDE AUSREISSEN UND ZWANGSFÜTTERE DEINE SCHEIßE IN DEIN MINDERWERTIGES HIRN!" Nachtmahr screamed at him, and he was barely impressed by the colourful array of insults. He had been to Berlin, in the ghettos, he had heard worse, and more original. But at this moment he couldn't care about it, he had to tend to Alexander.

He heard him whimper as if in pain, and his heart hurt at the sound. He quieted Nachtmahr easily, a punch on the back of the head made her fall unconscious until further notice. He rushed to Alexander and carefully picked him up. This seemed to break the spell of confinement, but not the spell of a waking nightmare. Alexander began thrashing around wildly, hitting Aaron often and Aaron was afraid Alexander would hurt himself, and he promptly placed Alexander back onto the ground. Now Alexander began screaming and sobbing along with thrashing about with no direction. It looked like he was trying to fight something off. Or someone. Aaron could only imagine what sort of nightmare Nachtmahr had concocted for him, and it was hideous. Aaron quickly changed to a good form, a form with which he could carry Alexander and get home quickly. It was an odd combination of a fighter jet (appropriately sized), a dragon, a bear and a kangaroo. He gathered Alexander up and put him into the pouch he had formed over his stomach, where Alexander could thrash about in freely without hurting himself. It hurt Aaron, but he was willing to bear it until he could get Alexander home and under proper medical attention. It was the least he could do.

Thankfully, he knew exactly what to do in this situation. It had happened to him once or twice as well, and he had created an antidote to the spell since then should he ever again encounter Nachtmahr in a bad mood. He had never thought he would have to give it to anyone but himself. He had thought wrong, and he could never do that again.

Alexander, meanwhile, experienced his life all over again, all the worst parts of it, and they were far from pretty. They were downright nightmarish.

_Alexander had been hit by some black goo that Nachtmahr had thrown at him and a moment later his eyes were engulfed by black and he had fallen to the ground, unable to move from that point on. And from that point on, his vision had gone. A moment later he had practically woken from something. At this moment, he had no recollection of what had happened in the IOAK building. In fact, in this very moment, he had no recollection of any of his life. He was back in the Caribbean, back in those streets, hidden away in a dirty, filthy alley. He was hiding, and he knew instantly from what he was hiding._

_The dogs._

_The rumours had been all over the islands. That the government had trained dogs specifically to sniff out supers and attack them. And a whole pack of them, hungry ones, had been released upon the islands. Alexander was hiding in the filthy alley, hoping, praying that those dogs would not be able to smell him amidst the shit and trash that littered the alley in heaps. He tried his best to remain quiet, to stop breathing, to do nothing that could give away his position to the dogs. He was trembling and twitching the more he tried to desperately keep still. Tears came to his eyes as the fear took hold of his very being. He remembered everything that had led up to this point. The most terrifying moment in his life. He remembered when his powers had manifested. His mother had been terrified. Not of him, she could never be scared of her own flesh and blood, but she had been terrified for him. The moment his powers had manifested, his mother had understood very clearly that from this point on they would go through a thousand hardships. Supers were scum in the eyes of society, absolute scum, and the government was actively hunting for them to take them out before the supers could hurt anyone. Nevermind that Alexander was a mere child of eight years old when his powers had manifested. He closed his eyes and remembered that day, a year ago._

_The moment his powers had manifested, he had seen that look in his mother's eyes. Fear, worry, concern. And the very moment he had seen that look he knew what he had to do. He ran away from home, far too rationally working through his options. If he were to leave, he had reasoned, the only one suffering, really, would be him. His mother would mourn, but he trusted that she would move on sooner than him. He would be the one to be alone on the street. He had gathered a bit of food, a blanket, a pillow, some water, and a book and stuffed them in one backpack and left. It wasn't much, and he certainly would not be able to get any more, for he thought it stealing if he had been to take any money with him. He had up and left, leaving a badly written note stating the reason and wishing his mother a happy life without him as a burden. He knew she never actively thought of him as a burden, but from the moment his powers had manifested Alexander had known the truth that no one would tell him._

_Their neighbours had kept quiet before Alexander had left, bless them because they had known his mother and had also known what would happen to her if they notified authorities. So they hadn't and Alexander would be eternally grateful for them. Not so much for everyone else he had encountered after he'd left. People used him, exploited his naiveté, abused him to top it off and called him by insulting names. He could deal with that, honestly, he could. He had been travelling from place to place, and he had even encountered some people who were nice and even helped him on occasion. At least, until they inevitably found out about his powers because, goodness, was Alexander unstable. His powers did whatever they wanted and it had brought him into horrible situations before. He could only hope that at this very moment they would not make themselves known._

_He was scared, downright terrified. He had always been scared of dogs, but now he had a real and proper reason to. They could find him with only a sniff of his powers crackling in the air and could tear him apart without a second thought. He crumbled into a fetal position, the tears in his eyes pushing past the shield of his eyelids and rolling down his face onto the ground in quiet sobs. He was trembling, it was cold as well, and his breath, jittery, was hot and clearly visible. He was sure he was on the verge of getting a fever. He felt sick to the stomach. Suddenly, there was a bark and Alexander froze. He stopped breathing altogether and listened intently. He readied himself, getting up and keeping his hands forward. He did not want to hurt the dogs, it would only prove the government right, that he and people like him were dangerous, and he promised himself he would only use his powers to stun the dogs briefly to run away. He crawled further back into the alley, a dead end, but he'd be able to climb up onto the roof and run away from there. He had become rather good at climbing walls with nothing to grab onto. His back hit the end of the alley and he waited, listening intently even though the sound of his wildly beating heart drowned out everything else around him. He was not breathing at all, too terrified to give away his position by his visible breath. He was crouching so that when he had to, he'd be able to jump up the walls easily. He had to be prepared, he had to be cautious, he had to get through this, by all the gods. He heard more barking, closer this time, and the breath he was holding caught up in his throat, choking him on it._

_There, again, and even closer this time. More of them, too. By all the gods, Alexander thought, curse his life, the dogs were coming closer. He began breathing again, but hyperventilating. He tried to be quiet about it, but he couldn't, by all the gods, he couldn't keep it quiet for some reason, and he heard the dogs even closer, barking loudly, loudly. He knew everyone else was in their homes, safe, except if the dogs were accompanied by government officials. Alexander had seen those only a couple of times since the dogs had been released. If a dog ever barks at a house and government official accompanied the dogs, whoever lived in that house was done for. In an extreme case, the government official had burnt down the house, leaving those living inside, even those who weren't super to die painfully. That had been when Alexander had first made himself known to the government. He had summoned clouds, rain clouds, quite unaware of it, and had let it rain down onto the house in an effort to save those that were inside. He did not manage it, in the end, and had instead attracted the attention of a particularly sadistic and devoted government official. He knew the bloke. Before the guy had found out about Alexander's powers he had used Alexander for his own purposes in a way that had made Alexander feel dirty for the following weeks. He was nine at this point, remember that. He heard the dogs and saw one of them rush by. He hid quickly behind a trashcan, keeping a hand in front of his mouth and nose to quiet down his breathing as he watched and waited for all the dogs to pass. He vaguely knew there were twelve dogs, at least in this area, and the sadistic government official. A harsh deck stacked against him, he conceded. He tried to keep a cool head, but he found this very difficult, extremely difficult even._

_And then he heard it. The man. The government official. Barking orders at the dogs to look for Alexander specifically. Alexander knew why the man was doing that. The dogs could not understand the man, of course, the man was just barking these orders specifically for Alexander to hear, psychological torment, Alexander would someday know. He cowered further behind the trashcan, terrified, praying to all the gods he didn't believe in to keep him hidden from this man. The dogs he could handle, if only barely, but he could not bear to look into this man's face ever again. There is no place Alexander would not rather be than this one. Cowering behind the trashcan he dared a gaze to the open end of the alley. Big mistake. There, glaring into the alley, stood the government official, clad in a classy black suit, stereotypical for agents. Now he was smiling smugly._

_He had found Alexander._

_Alexander scrambled backwards, hitting the wall quickly, all rational thoughts leaving his being at the sight of the man. The man grinned sadistically at him, calling the dogs to him, and, a moment after, all twelve dogs were running at Alexander. Alexander screamed, jumping and trying to climb up the wall, but he didn't quite manage and fell down, right into the pack of trained dogs. He was bitten, maybe six times, before the man came over to him and called the dogs off of him. The dogs dropped Alexander's small frame immediately, who was sobbing hideously into his bleeding arms, refusing to look up at the man. The man grabbed him by one of his arms, and Alexander shrieked loudly, but couldn't do much against the man grabbing him. The man shot him a dirty, smug and sadistic grin, causing a cold shiver to run down his spine. Alexander began thrashing about, he did not want to make it easy on this guy to kill him, and he struggled with all the might a malnourished nine year old could muster. It wasn't a meaningful struggle, but a struggle nonetheless. He sobbed and cried then when the man pulled out a knife and held it to Alexander's throat._

_"I should gut you like a pig, you little bastard. You've been a thorn in my eye ever since that little storm of yours," the man laughed dangerously, "But now, I've got you. Good for me that I only have to confirm your death or my failure in a week. Gives us plenty of time to get to know each other."_

_Alexander's little eyes widened in fear and disgust, knowing very exactly what this man meant. It would mean torturous hours for him, a torturous week before the man would have to show him mercy and just kill him. Now he was panicking, really, truly panicking. And this was never a good thing. He began to hyperventilate again, not noticing how clouds were steadily and quickly developing above them. Only when the winds picked up drastically and thunder rolled over the skies, did the man look up, only to then be struck by lightning, furiously, hot and white. Alexander screamed the man's grip let go of his the millisecond he was hit by lightning._

_He died immediately._

_The dogs were startled away by the lightning and thunder following right thereafter. Alexander was startled into the corner of the dead end, cowering away from the corpse right before him. He began to cry again. Not from terror, not from fear. Guilt. It was guilt that was plaguing him. He had just killed a man. A horrible, horrible man, sadistic and awful, but still. It was another human being. He had killed another human being. It didn't matter how awful he had been. Alexander never wanted to kill another being, be they human or another animal. He was sobbing. He had killed someone. He was a killer. He was dangerous. Maybe the government was right to hunt him, him specifically. He was capable of hurting people, capable of killing people, he should-_

Alexander woke with a gasp and a jerk, tears hideously staining his face. He looked around in a panic, trying to find out where he was, not recognizing his environment immediately. After a moment, however, the memories that had been denied him came flood back to him, giving him a headache. A nightmare, he reasoned. A horrible, fiendish nightmare. He breathed heavily, grabbing at his chest right above his heart which was beating, pounding harshly against his chest like the drums of war he had heard as a child of ten years old.

A quick look around confirmed he was in the medical bay of Aaron's base and he breathed a sigh of relief. Only now did he notice, and hear, Aaron nervously looking him over.

"I will never forgive myself, my stars, are you all right? I should have been hit by that, not you. Are you okay?" Aaron asked worriedly, and now John walked into the room, looking just as worried, but he was holding three cups of hot cocoa.

"I'm-" Alexander breathed, his throat was dry and he accepted the hot cocoa readily, "I'm okay." And he took a sip.

"I can't forgive myself. You were crying and thrashing awfully, they must have hit you with a bad one, your entire eyes were black, front to back, and it took a whole five minutes after injection to get you out of it. I should've been hit, not you," Aaron rambled on.

John looked nervously between them. He had never seen Aaron so openly upset. He was sure Aaron was on the verge of tears himself, but Alexander soon hugged him in reassurance.

"No, no, don't worry. I've... I've lived it once, it's okay, I can live it again, no problem. Fuck, why did this memory have to resurface, though?" he whined and Aaron looked at him sympathetically.

"Nachtmahr is very skilled in what they do. I've had that goo in my eyes one, maybe two times. They can bring your worst memory to the foreground and force you to relive it."

"What was yours?" Alexander asked quietly. Aaron looked at him surprised.

"Mine?" he asked in return.

"I... I don't think I know that and... willing to trade stories?" Alexander asked. Aaron contemplated for a moment. Then he nodded. It might be beneficial for both of them. John, however, stood up and left the room. He felt uncomfortable listening to these sort of intimate stories. "Mine was... when I was still in the Caribbean. There was this government dude after me, I was nine, and there were those dogs, specifically trained to sniff out supers and... I had met that guy before, and I knew what he was like, a sadistic fuck and... And then he had found me and he had set the dogs on me and then... I killed him, Aaron... I killed a man."

"The first man you've ever killed. And the only one," Aaron nodded. He knew the facts here. He knew that Alexander had killed a man, but that was all he had known about that. Now he knew the rest of it, the smaller things. Alexander continued to tell him more about it, the details, what that man had done to him before that fateful meeting and Aaron discovered that this had been the point where Alexander had decided he would prove everyone wrong, the point where he had decided to use his powers for good, the point where he had decided to become a superhero. Aaron nodded at Alexander's story, squeezing his hand occasionally to reassure him that everything was okay now.

"And... that was it... an awful nightmare, and I've lived it. Certainly, there are worse things one can live through, your childhood for example..."

"No, Alexander, mine can't even compare to yours. I'm sorry you had to live through that in the first place." Aaron hugged Alexander tightly, who smiled tensely at him.

"Didn't you want to tell me your story then? Your nightmare of a memory this villain had brought to the foreground again?" Alexander asked and Aaron nodded.

"It was when... It was the day I discovered my powers. I was four... or maybe five? I'm not so sure anymore, but it was the day my powers manifested. My sister was falling off a tree in that very moment, I think she would have died, but I... I shifted into a form that made my arms made out of rubber, and I caught her. My family saw this, and this was at the height of discrimination, mind you, coupled with their religious nature. My family saw this, and they dragged me from the tree, inside. They called the entire family living nearby to us, into the living room. They... they put me on display, ripped my clothes from my body and beat me bloody. I think they broke my arms and my nose that day. Not a pretty sight." Aaron explained.

"I said it once and I'll say it again: that is horrible. It's horrible what they'd done to you. I wish I had been there and that I could have comforted you." Alexander growled.

"Don't you worry, love. That time is long behind me. Let me tell you a secret: Some of my family were the first people I have killed in my life. It wasn't quite revenge, but it felt good to be rid of them like that, so they could never hurt me again. It was very quick... almost reflex that day when I'd killed them... I hope you don't look down on me for it," Aaron sighed.

"I would never... I would never, Aaron. It is in the past. As much as I hate killing, despise it, I do not look down on you for having done it in the past. It would be hypocritical of me, very much so," Alexander said and kissed his cheek. Aaron smiled and turned his head to kiss Alexander properly.

John stood outside the door. He had eavesdropped on their conversation, on the stories. He sighed. He hadn't known any of this, any of either of their backstories. It was nothing like he had expected. He had not realised how similar Alexander and Aaron were. He had not realised how much his own history was so similar to theirs, though he had no powers.


End file.
